Dear Me Blog Series: Holly Messenger

Dear Mama,

Here is what I want you to know: You. Can. Do. This.

There will be days you don’t want to.  There will be days the fear of the tasks before you paralyzes you.  There will be days you want to scream, but you will hold it in.  There will be days you will cry, because the tears can’t be held in.

But you can do this.

Let me tell you something about who you are and who you are about to become.

You love fiercely, and you have loved this little baby from the moment you found out he was inside you.  Everything became about his well-being.  You err on the side of loving too much sometimes, but in this case, this love will take you through the hardest moments.

You will learn to channel that love to advocate for his needs.  You will learn to transform that love into the patience it requires to offer yet another bite of food when he’s refusing adamantly.  You will learn to slow down and accept his timeframe.  You will learn that you will not stop when there is something he needs.

There will be days you do not want to get out of bed.  But you will.  Why?  He needs you.  There will be days you aren’t sure how you can possibly find the strength you need to push through the daily tasks of caring for him.  But you will.  Why?  See above.

You can do this.

You will learn how, one step at a time.  Sometimes you will need to break down and sob, the big heavy sobs that make your heart break in two.  It’s okay.  You know why?  You’ll have your sob-fest.  You’ll cry it out.  And then you’ll wipe those tears off your face, and you’ll keep going, one step at a time.

It is not because you’re special.  It is not even because he is special (though he is – oh man, is he ever!).  It is because it is the life you’ve been given, and it’s his well-being at stake.  You can do this, because you haven’t been given a choice.

And because when you see him smile or hear his laugh – when he takes that one bite of pear (finally!) or decides to stand to give you a big hug –  it’s all worth it.

For him, you can do this.  That is what I want you to know.  That is what you will learn, over and over again, throughout this journey ahead of you.  You will doubt it.  You will doubt it so many times along the way.  But from someone two and a quarter years in, trust me.

You can do this.

Holly Messenger is a full time mama bear to her heart warrior, Kiran.  She is passionate about getting the word out on congenital heart defects and writes a blog about her son’s journey that can be found here:

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