Dear Me:

February 17, 2014, changed you in more ways than you can fully comprehend. You’re scared. You’re scared to put up your unborn baby’s crib, you’re scared to write in your pregnancy journal, you’re scared to give birth to this baby, you’re scared because you just heard words you’re unfamiliar with, “your baby’s heart has a problem, we think your baby has transposition of the great arteries.” Here’s what I can tell you though, you’re a new person starting today, but this journey is going to make you a better person. You love deeper, you appreciate more, and you know how fragile life truly is.

Your family has grown and you now have an extended family, a heart family. You understand them and they understand you. You’ve all seen miracles, felt grief. When one of your heart warriors has a successful surgery, you celebrate, when of your heart warriors becomes a heart angel, you grieve and ask God, “Why?” You have people to walk along with you, and they’re your angels here on earth – embrace them.

In 2014 you had no idea how you were going to get through what was to come, but I’m here to tell you, you’re doing it, you’re doing it every single day. Your son is not “fixed” he never will be “fixed” – you’ll be scared when he’s sick, you’ll feel his heart nearly every single day, and when each echo rolls around you’ll be nervous for the report, but it’s so worth it.

As I type this letter, your beautiful baby boy just picked up two lb. hand weights and walked in the room saying, “I so strong, momma.” You sure are buddy, you have no idea how strong you truly are. Those two lb. hand weights got nothing on you.

So it’s okay to be scared, it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to grieve, but don’t stay down too long, because you’re a bad @$$ momma that’s now part-cardiologist and you’re gonna rock this heart mom gig like the rest of the 1 in 100 mommas do.

Heart hugs,
Me

Allison Meiners is married to Matt and mom to Morgan (11), Carver (3) and Sidney (2). Carver is a heart warrior born with Transposition of the Great Arteries in 2014. He underwent open heart surgery at six days old. Today, he has annual cardiology appointments, but more importantly is filled with energy and a whole lot of love.